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I found a beatles CD on top of my TV around the age of 7 . It was wrapped . I wanted to listen to the CD but I didn't. I thought it was still wrapped for a reason so I hesitated. I wish I listened to that CD . I wish I had enough motivation to unwrap that CD. I was listening to the beatles about 20 minutes ago and thought about this crucial moment in my past. This is considered a crucial moment for me personally, because I had the opportunity to listen to better music at a young age. I unfortunately did not take that opportunity.

EDIT_

www.flickr.com/photos/circlenose
^ uploaded new and old artwork .
I got my XL smiths shirt today in the mail . I resized the shirt with Holly's sewing machine. I think it came out pretty decent. I also watched Chumscrubber with her tonight. Made a new song with lyrics. I hope it doesn't sound dumb to others.

Arthur

vlogging

I decided to vlog more, because it's exciting and more exciting.
This was yesterday's vlog though hehe

Realization.. s

I feel weird .
I feel so weird that it's to the point where I want to go back in time and fix everything and anything that happened in my life, starting from 5th grade. Even though I can't remember the whole memory of my childhood till sophomore year, I really wouldn't want to remember because it's THAT irking. At the same time, I do want to know what happened to me why I was like "that" in my past years. As a matter of fact, I recall some things that happened but most likely no one that I know has experienced.
Thank the heavens that I became somewhat facile and socially active in high school,that I became interested in "art" and the relative activities that surrounds that world, that I have a goal to reach in life. Thank the heavens that finally I don't care about what people think of my actions and how I sometimes handle things . Actually , scratch that.. I do care how humans perceive me and I do hide how I handle things most of the time. Most people should be clueless .

Another thing I have realized is I only admitted my "crush" and "liking" to ONE boy in my sophomore year.He probably doesn't even know that he was the first one. Yes, he was the first. It's strange why I admitted it to him . What made him so special? I'm not following. It's not like I expected his "liking" back because I knew he didn't contain mutual feelings. Is this why I consistently fail at "intro to relationships" or "getting to know this specific person because he definitely has some sort of feelings for me" ? haha. I feel that it is. By virtue of my cowardliness, awkward actions,callow feelings/emotions, and how I'm also very much incoherent when I have specific feelings for the opposite sex.

I'm pretty sure my first kiss was a girl when I was around 7 years old. On the lips. This is fucked up but I think I told her to go along with it and I vigorously kissed her on the lips. I don't know who she is.. or how she looks like or how old she is now , or what she's even doing now currently. I had a big barbie mansion.It was pink and angled. It was beauty and my love back in the day. I remember playing barbies with my friend around the same age. Me and my friend made the barbies make out while they were naked. We might've even let them have intercourse in the glorious bathroom. How exactly did my childhood end up being so amorous. All I know is I'm not a lesbian and I don't see girls like that in any way. Honestly, if I was bisexual or a lesbian , I wouldn't hide it, at all. It's even a trend to be bisexual, so what is there to hide. I'm almost positive that I'm asexual or I just never found the those specific feelings yet for that specific someone. I have not had sex yet( which is my pride and joy) and I only had one real relationship in the 7th grade till 9th grade. I don't understand . I was pretty immoral when I was a child but now I have no interest in being promiscuous today.

These weird realizations just occurred to me today this morning. My dad woke me up at 9 in the morning with his compelling voice, and he announced that my mother had to go to the hospital because of her back.I hope she comes back safe. My mom and dad were heading out the garage door and before they closed that door shut, my father asked why I haven't asked mother if she was alright or even "to come back safely" . I don't know why I didn't.. I wish I could've. That was ultra disrespectful of me. My reply to that was in an insincere voice " are you okay?" . They just closed the door on me . I felt like a booger .Subsequently, I cleaned and thought about everything while cleaning. I almost feel that I'm fucked up deep inside where no one, not even myself can perceive it. It worries me.

I couldn't help myself

part 1



part 2














These are some videos of me and my friends . I believe we do things that no one really does when they hang out . Enjoy

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Why do you think long hair covering an individual's face makes them feel "hidden" while they slouch their heads down. I don't know . At times I do also feel relatively "hidden" when long strands of hairs covers my face . Like no one is watching me or they can't see me under my hair .

I was thinking about what to get for my next tattoo and kept sketching ideas for it. I have two sketches that I like that I drew , but the sketchbook is not located near me . It's upstate. I don't think I'm ready to get a tattoo that I've created YET , it needs to be untarnished. I skimmed through artists that I scrupulously enjoy in my head. One was gustav klimt , the master of drawing/ painting lovely naked women. Gustav was the main dude , but Herakut + Os Gemeos also came to mind . At the end I chose Os Gemeos . I fancy for the warm colors . Yellow, Orange, Red , etc... The last two tattoos has been involved with these warm colors. So on behalf of the warm colors, I want to stick with them . Os Gemeos uses yellow for their character's skin tone , like the simpsons. They have this astonishing style that I can't disregard. They put many details on their work and I believe that's what makes them stand out vividly. I will be getting the image above as my next tattoo.

Today I gathered with my old girl friends and ate at olive garden. It was lovely encountering with all of them again. Although it was only 2 hours of gathering, it was reminiscing. Everyone really changed physically. I met most of them in middle school when we had our hair tied all the way back and didn't discern about our fashion sense, and now they all look mature and stunning. All in all, tonight was dainty and hopefully this gathering will occur soon again in the near future .

Muscles and Not

I started this piece around Monday ?
Worked on it last night and today .
I've become fond of muscles and what looks opposite of muscles.
Muscles : mini 3-dimensional lines that are adjacent to each other
Random boxes : not really ^

Today was productive in my opinion. Even though I didn't spend my time in the sunny but windy outdoors , I stayed inside and drew , painted, focused and took this day and gave it all to myself . My father found out about me piercing my noses and he yelled at me. I feel the most uncomfortable when he yells at me because his voice is the ugliest when he does. I disapprove how he yells at me for doing typical teenage fandangles, but at the same time I understand completely. He's still foreign to these things and can't understand why teenagers or anyone peirces their body or face. It's really out of random enjoyment for me.

Compasses are necessary

I have no common sense or any kind of sense when I'm driving .
I don't know what is right and what is left . Sometimes I think turning right is turning left and turning left is turning a right. I've been and drove to many places in long island and I still can't contain the knowledge of where to turn or go sometimes . I wonder why I can't think straight most of the time while I drive .

At times I wish I can tell my friends what I ponder about on a daily basis. I don't think I conversed about anything "deep" to anyone yet. If i did, it definitely has been a while . Personally it's very hard for me to leak out anything "deep" to anyone because I'd feel intimidated . I'm afraid that they won't listen and most likely would feel indifferent. I fancy that humans contain greedy ears and mouths. MOST of the time those ears and mouths only will be shared to those that have substantial feelings for each other. Friction . I hope one day I'll discover that one person to tell the whole caboodle to . That would be the day of refinement.

Blogs are sometimes so personal .
Whoever reads my blogs will find one minor
thing about me . That's moderately ...cool , I suppose

Tonight was sushi and plantains night . No latkes tonight . Absurd ...
The boys ate the food with joy (hopefully) . The sushis I make aren't really sold anywhere in long island , so there's no way they can have a satisfied spicy tuna sushi meal like so . That sounded ultra conceited but it's the truth . I made plantains tonight too . I placed salt and brown sugar on top and bottom of the plantains. The brown sugar hardens at the end and has a crunchy delicious texture and taste to it . The salt evens the sweetness out . I learned how to make these from my friend Kayla. She resides in Syracuse and making these tonight made me miss everyone. My friend Ben made these ridiculous deep fried quesadillas.

Afterwards we decided to go drive to this amazing spot in oyster bay where you can practically see the whole city from across . We got lost for almost 2 hours . Wasted gas . Listened to fun danceable tunes. Ate pumpkin seeds and filled the car's atmosphere with the scent of weed. It was worth it , I thought. It was still considered hanging out with my fellow peers .

Tomorrow , I want to relax and finish my art piece. I have a feeling that this won't happen due to the fact that I need to hang out with someone that I haven't seen in the past month . I would be in vain if I don't .

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I always found hands the most amusing part
of the body . They're so complicated .
Especially when anyone plays instruments with
their hands , it's so wonderful to view .
I enjoy looking at the veins and how it sticks out
and the tints of blue are shown
, knuckles/hand bones move subtly when in action,
and the shape some individual's hands contain.
It's comical to me. I get envious of some individual's
hands because mine are sausage fingers and not whimsical at all.
Hands are apparently the most fouled part of the human's body.
I can't help but dote on everyone's hands. ghoulish !!

I'm currently working on a new art piece and I have a
hunch that people will enjoy it.
It's based on the human muscles. Recently I've been
really interested in muscles. The skinny multiple lines
that are adjacent to each other ....oh wow
I played a house show today. This is considered my
very first real show in front of a few
(but to me, many) people . I couldn't play an
original because I felt too hesitant .
I covered 6 songs.

Letters to the Moon - Two Year Reunion
Letters to the Moon - Ghosts!
Delay - Good Friends , Bad Habits
RVIVR - Can't stand it
Beyonce - Irreplaceble
Lady GAGA - Bad Romance

I covered lady gaga with my dearest, Daniella Prince .
She has the best 2 rats as her pets .
Everyone that played were astonishing !!
I was so happy for everyone that performed .
Sometimes I wonder how they play like how they
played tonight. It was reminiscing to see everyone's
face at Val's house show. I felt my confidence has
boosted a level up since the last time and that also feels
impressive . I never knew these specific feelings would
occur in my life , ever. I never thought I would perform
in front of kids I thought in the past that I would never
perform in front of. I think I'm mixing my words up ,
I'm not too sure if that made sense .

Commack never has good parties , and it's upsetting .
The best parties here are just spending time with your
close ones and doing the simplest of all things .

Tomorrow is sushi , plantains , laktes night !

.

Sometimes apple juice tastes like blood to me .

I recently displaced a friend . He meant alot to me in the past 3 months of college. By virtue of my stubbornness and misleading actions, we are no longer how we used to be. On the other hand, we are not considered friends anymore . This sincerely upsets me and I don't know how to confront him about it . I thought me meeting new people outside of school and hanging out with these new folks would make me seem or make the situation indifferent , but that is really not the case . I miss him and I want to talk to him again .

When I first saw him , he was definitely on my "cute guys" list . I was always nervous to talk to him at first and thought he wouldn't contain an adequate personality. Unexpectedly, we became really good friends and beyond any doubt were the most rhetorical out of the freshman grade . I conceived the thought that us two had and were the power to get most of these kids to become friends with each other in the school . Till this day, I think we were the reason why some of the kids in school are friends today .

He didn't like me at all in the beginning . When he first glanced at my photography that was the first time he thought that we could potentially be friends. I always wanted to be his friend. As days went by , I got sick of this school and became stubborn and mean to all, including this person. At the end, he was always there sitting on the couch listening to my vents while I sat across the room on a stubby chair , crying .
This is my fault that we aren't friendly anymore .

We called ourselves gnomes . traveling gnomes.
why? Because gnomes travel and bring one another together .
(I don't even think that's the definition of gnomes )

I still hate titles

Sometimes I wish I knew big words so I can post intellectual-sounding blog posts .
But that's not the case ....

TOSTITOS , with a hint of lime is great . You can eat these chips without salsa or cheese .
Today I ate tofu meals , for lunch and dinner . again ..
I don't think these tofu meals will ever stop , unless there are no more tofu left .

Jungle Sandwich :
- sliced or mushed avocados on one side of the bread .
- hummous on the other side of the bread
- chopped olives on top of the hummous
- peices of tofu fried on a pan

Stir Fry tofu :
- vegetarian/ vegan meat
- baby corn
- sliced tofu
- soy/ginger sauce
- olives
- lime juice
- lemon & pepper spice

I have my first "show" this Friday and I'm practicing my butt off. I feel neurotic but at the same time I shouldn't . If I plan on performing in front of people in the future , I should get used to these weird feelings . I also shouldn't care at all what people think of my singing /playing because they're not the ones performing .

I also have this art show late February that's also making me feel nervous . I need to get better artwork going because recently I have been lazy , I have been slacking off , and I have been hanging out way too much. My goal is to accomplish two new pieces till this event happens .

I drove a fair amount today and hung out with friends . It was nice because I didn't get in trouble today at all ! That really makes me feel good . My dad yelling is not amusing . It's ugly .
I got a new jacket from the thrift store and the brand of that jacket is "Porn" . I think it's a beautiful jacket though and will wear it with pride .

I hate titles .

Woke up late . Deposited money . Hung out with Ben . Got new shoes at island thrift. Met up with a few lovely people there . got hot chocolate at Ben's with Val . Cooked delicious tofu goodness . Ate . Watched the movie , UP .

My day was very productive .
I made delicious food today .
Ingredients:
- mushrooms
- artichoke hearts
- lemon & basil
- lime juice
- TOFU
- vegetarian / vegan sausage

it was delicious .
and I got amazing shoes .

Number titles , no more

for more pictures : www.flickr.com/photos/circlenose
Last night was the night I came back from Utica, NY.
Stayed in the city for 4 days and filled our bodies with laughters and joy . Walked ,laughed ,talked ,walked some more,drank in the city . On Saturday , it was the show day . Atom Age played well at ABC no Rio. That place was freezing , I really wanted to drown in steaming water .
Bubble Tea is absolutely delicious . Absolutely delicious.
I can't wait to go back to utica for cheaper bubble tea .
Stayed at Carlos's for a month and that was an adventure . Met new people , laughed with new people and bonded with the new . I liked it . I'm going to miss doing the dishes, watching Columbus the cat jumping up and down everywhere, and loud funny kids .
I thought it was too soon to go back home , so this year I missed Christmas and New Years with the family and celebrated these two holidays with the new individuals . Christmas wasn't the best but New Years was pretty exciting.

Haven't been to a show in long island in a while. I went today and it was nice seeing old faces . It's been 5 months since I've seen some of these people . They still remember me and that suprises me . Some jerk exploded my skull and nose today and I swear , I think I gushed blood over the vegan cupcakes they were selling at the show . Overall the show was good. Exciting souls are always fun to view .